my imortal comentary OF DOOM
by blobking156
Summary: I delve into the insanity and hope to god i come out alive


**Oh god. I am going to attempt to commentate this WITHOUT my head exploding (wish me luck with that one)**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz **you are going to hate this pun by the end. It's worse than chugga's could ever be.** (get it, coz Im goffik **more like gofFUCK**) 2 my gf (ew not in that way ** this is so hypocritical. You'll see why**) raven, bloodytearz666** worst. Username. EVER.** 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. ** I think raven just got on the computer, and said " I'm done!"**U rok! Justin ** Beiber? **ur da luv of my deprzzing ** that make sense how? **life u rok 2! MCR ROX! ** Even my weird sister dislikes MCR**

Hi my name is **Mary **Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Sue **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name** Mary? That makes no sense**) with purple streaks and red tips **purple streaks AND red tips? I have trouble imagining that. **that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears ** which is it?! And what are "limpid" tears? **and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!** Sadly, I can't once I've began.**). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** *whistling* OH FUDGEKIPS** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.** Unlike Dracula's twisted, plaque infested ones** I have pale white skin.** Don't all vampires have pale skin?** I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **opposed to it being on tatooine.** where I'm in the seventh year** next year Hogwarts is free!** (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black.** Duh. You're goth.** I love Hot Topic ** because they have adventure time stuff and all that.** and I buy all my clothes from there. **Mary wears black Boba Fett shirts!** For example today I was wearing a black **obviously **corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, **ouch** pink **okay?** fishnets and black combat boots. ** I picture her in a I-really-have-to-go-to-the-bathroom pose **I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation,** redundant foundation is redundant** black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **what the what the what? **so there was no sun,** WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH AMMY** which I was very happy about. A lot of preps **Middle schoolers? That's me!** stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. ** Hey! We have lives too!**

"Hey Ebon**er**!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Nuuu why him. Or anyone WE NEED AN EVACUATION OF HOGWARTS IMIDIATLY**

"What's up **dawg **Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Hj dmhnm ,rvgtfkx jhbtdgkjgcxgysio8657v3b0 ail( that was my head colliding with the keyboard) WHY IS DRACO SHY**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. ** Best ending ever.**

AN: IS it good? **NO** PLZ tell me **I DID** fangz! **GRGLPRLUKEHJGBH**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz ** GRRR** 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta** she probably didn't**! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! ** Fine. I'll flame you. PK FIRE**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. ** Obviously. Were you hung over or something? **It was snowing and raining again. **HOW THE DODONGO** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some _**probably stale **_**(Bold italic is input or retelling) **blood from a bottle I had** conveniently**. My coffin was black ebony **Mary** and inside it was hot pink ** quite preppy, no?** velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant ** giant? **MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas** not a blanket? Or sheets? You said giant!**. Instead, I put on a black leather dress** again, ouch**, a pentagram necklace, combat boots **WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION **and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings **HOLY LEGO XEPHOS YOUR EARS SHOULD BE DEAD** in my pierced ears **DUR**, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.** Wow, your hair isn't Mary sueish?**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!** NO RUN FOR YOUR SANITY**) woke up then and grinned _**creepily**_ at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven** HAHA** black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.** WH-WH-WH-WAIT she grinned at you, flipped her hair, and THEN opened her eyes?!** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini** mouse?**, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation ** HGUGBBUUYITGGIKOUGHTYFbgvh yghghb** and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!** Ok?**" she said excitedly. **dafuq**

"Yeah? So? **exactly**" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. _**Completely ignoring the fact we had to go up about three flights of stairs.**_

"No I so fucking don't ** * horse talking voice* woah girl! cam down**!" I shouted.

"Yeah right! **Again, calm down**" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.** So you don't like him, but you're flirting?**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade. ** HOLY LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS SHE SPELLED HOGSMEADE RIGHT**" he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!"** thou shoult not fuck god** I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me **I wouldn't**?" he asked.

I gasped. ** TEAM ASMAAAAAAA**

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize ** otters are wise, glad you noticed! **fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reviews ** WHO GAVE HER THOSE (meanwhile at home) "I gotta pee! I'll write after I'm done" 2 hours later "I'm gonna write some LOPT! wait. Crap!"**! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **If you did, they would be goffuck.**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets.** We could catch moby dick with all of your fishnets.** Then I put on a black leather minidress **ou- not even gonna comment** with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky **this is harry potter, not dragon ball z**. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book **my little pony?** while I waited for it to stop bleeding **VAMPIRES DON'T HAVE BLOOD! IF THEY DID THEY WOULD NEVE STARVE** and I listened to some GC.** You're going to their concert. Why do you need to listen more** I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway **FINALY**. I drank some human blood **so you didn't murder draco cause you were thirsty** so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan **I'm just a kid, and this shit is a nightmare **t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok! **Yeah, but not nail polish**).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **Oxymoron. 'cept with more moron.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz ** THEY STOLE THE WEASLEY'S CAR AND SPRAYPAINTED IT…** (the license plate said 666)** AND CHANGED THE LICENSE PLATE** and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs** and drugs. Not" and cocaine" or "and marijuana**. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car_** and broke our legs as it the car flew away**_. We went to the **s**mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down _**and broke our legs again.**_ as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).** Don't worry, they're unrecognizable. **

"Joel is so fucking **not** hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his **not **amazing **spiderman** voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. ** Let's turn that frown inside out!**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.** That this story sucks?**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **bgvhbghvgvhbbgv vg bnnbgvh **

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff **he is?**. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **was real goff, making your livers commit suicide.** and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them **because everyone knows eboner is such a vip**. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz** but it flew off!**, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **Suspense!**


End file.
